15 posts tagged “vox”

Lately I feel like I’ve been holding everyone together. Everyone else has all these concerns, problems, and bad things going on in their lives, and here I am just floating along I guess. I listen to other people’s probelms more than I care about my own. I hear all about people’s inconveniences more than I have any/care for my own. It seems as if I’m always the one to hear about other peoples problems.. it’s not that I mind or anything, because I honestly don’t, I love being there for my friends and would listen to anyone’s problems forever, it just really makes me think. There are so many bigger problems, more important problems, more things going wrong in our world and we’re tripping out over a person who cut us off while driving? Freaking because our parents are being “unfair” or “not listening” to you? Sure, that sucks, but is it reeeeally that big of an issue? 

People all around us have far bigger problems. People all over are starving, having to drink shit water, not having a roof over their heads, have no parents, can’t go to school, or don’t know where their next meal is coming from. Some people are so disadvantaged that they will never leave their little town somewhere in Africa because they don’t have the education to. Is the fact that you have to get up a little earlier for school THAT big of an issue? Because your parents wont continue to pay your cell phone bill THAT big of an issue? I mean, come on people! You’re 18? It’s time to start growing up. 

Maybe its just how I am, but I just take things as they come, deal with them however, and forget about them. I find another way around, downplay the situation to make it easier to deal with, or let it float on by. I don’t sit around and cry about whatever problem is going on in my life, I don’t whine to my mom, or some friend, I don’t have a frown on my face constantly because of something that happened last week - And I don’t see why anyone else should. It doesn’t do you any good to sit around and wallow in your problems. It doesn’t do you any good to go on and on about them to someone. It doesn’t do you any good to whine about things that really don’t matter that much. You shouldn’t spend time frowning when you could be smiling. 

Some people have REAL problems. 

I love so much and think so little. Spend my time doing, instead of contemplating. I mean, I think enough, I just don't over do. I think that's why I'm so happy. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think far too much than I'm meant to, but I think I work on balancing it out with the whole "wearing my heart on my sleeve" thing. It works for me, at least. 

I have far too much time on my hands, and not enough to do. I keep myself busy with little tasks and things I can laugh at later. Its probably a "self protection" thing One of those things you do to keep yourself from thinking. Maybe that's why I think so little. I'm not too sure. 

I spend a lot of my time doing things people may see as "childish". I escape into disney movies, building forts in my bedroom, coloring in coloring books, and mixing funny things together to see how it'll taste.  I'm a teenager, but I'll be doing this until I'm 75 I'm sure. At least I hope. 

Hope. That's another big thing. I hope for a lot of things. Hoping for hope is the biggest. Another thing about me is that I don't "hope" for material things. Near never, though I have been known for the occasional materialistic want. I hope for experiences. I hope to be able to put myself into situations where I can change myself. Where I can change the way I think. Better myself. 

I don't take myself too seriously. Come to think of it, I don't take myself seriously at all. I'm a simple person. I don't think too much. I worry just enough for the ones I care about. I don't have any hidden meanings, or things I wish I would have said. I'm good at the art of shrugging things off. 

As doctor seusse once said, "think what you want, but mean what you say" something along those lines anyways. 

There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves at a crossroads, afraid, confused and without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us choose to turn around and go back, but once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream, because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.

I'm getting this awkward vibe from my boyfriend, like we don't seem to be on the same page. I feel that he is drifting away from me. Half the time, I don't even know what he's doing. He barely talks to me, like before he'd be online all the time so we could talk and now, it like "hi" "hey"......
It's not like before, he doesn't tell me he loves me as much as before and it's just so frustrating to not know whats really going on his head! He doesn't ask me if he'll see me anytime soon, we don't make plans to meet. Before he'd ask if I could hang out, but now, it's like he's going out all the time! I don't even know what he's doing out.
He changed his relationship status on facebook, I'm in a relationship-all by myself. And when I asked why, I didn't even get a proper explanation, I am so confused. Does he not one anyone knowing he has a girl friend?
He just randomly signs of on aim, like before he'd tell me "I have to go" or "g2g" and we'd say "i love you" and stuff. But now, he just signs off, no byebye.
Is he seeing someone else behind my back? Or trying to see someone else? I really don't know.

I don't know how many times I've repeated to myself "everything's gonna be alright, just breath, wait it out.", trillions probably. And yet, IS everything going to be alright? no, a lot of things aren't alright, and aren't going to get better. You may see me as a pessimist, but that's how I think. I have my good days and bad, but really, ever since we're born, we're dieing, be it inside, or out.

Lately, I've had to make a bunch of huge decisions about myself, on my own, and I've been scared out of my mind whether i made the right decision. I hate making decisions, I hate choosing for myself. 
Usually I'm not like this, and a really laid back person as far as everyone sees, but things have just been caving in lately.

I've always done what i wanted without really thinking, choosing what I want to do at the time, and doing it. I'm one of those people who pick goals, and work for them until they get what they want. You know, those people who don't stop at all, until they get that thing. Well, that's usually me. And probably you too, And probably someone else also. Then, around us, other people are sitting down, relaxing, taking life very easy, and somehow waiting for death and nothing else. it's a very interesting contrast, and when you think about it for too long it gets confusing.

honestly, these are millions of questions running around in my mind.

I'm sure its normal for every person to have a time, or more times in their lives where they just stop and question it all, and need someone to just listen to them, and no matter who it is going through it, its all really, really confusing.

so is everything going to be all right?
i don't know.

cancer, treatments, global warming, people dieing, people leaving, things changing, drugs.

On Sunday, my ex asked to to go out with him again, I said yes- so I'm not single anymore. Personally, I think that the break-up was stupid, it led nowhere, just right back where we started. I guess the whole "finding what else is out there" didn't work out too well for him.
I guess it didn't work out for me either, well I didn't even try. I don't think I really want to, I'm in a stable relationship now and I'm happy.

As far as school goes, I'm not doing too good. The thought of education makes me sick, the thought of college makes me sick. But I really do want to get into a good college, I hope I do.

That' about it I guess, this was a stupid entry I know. But, it's just a little update.

Pain comes in all forms.

the small twinge, soreness, the random pain.
The normal pains we deal with everyday.
Then theres the kind of pain you just can't ignore.

A level so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the whole world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt.

the sad thing is; most of the time, this pain so huge, does not come from something physical. It comes from the people we trust and love the most.

How we manage our pain, is up to us.

Pain. We take extra pills, embrace it, ignore it and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

Pain. You just have to ride it out. Sitting there wishing you weren't hurting so much, isn't going to change anything.

You just have to ride it out, and hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breath deep and wait for it to side.

Most of the time pain can be managed. But sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. It catches you way below the belt and doesn't let up.

You just have to fight through it. Because the truth is, you cant outrun it and life always makes more.

I don't get it.
I don't understand why everyone now-a-days is so dishonest.
Really, if people would just outright say what they feel, it would make alot of lives a hell of alot easier.
There isn't anything to be ashamed of.
Gather your balls and spit it out.
Just say what you want, fuck.
It's just going to make someones life, be it whoever, a hell of a lot easier. Sure, you might disappoint someone, but really, WHO CARES.

Theres a fine line between being rude, or mean; and being honest.
Sure, if you think someones ugly as a fucking horses ass, you "honestly" want to tell them, but don't. bite your tongue, save that person their little share of self- esteem they have left.

If someone tells you a secret that should be kept, keep it. Even if you truly hate the person, save them their dignity. Thats called trust, and disrespecting someones trust, even if you hate them, makes you untrustworthy. Definitely not a trait you want on your back.

Really, some people in this world need so smarten up, it pisses me off so much how awful people can be. Don't open your mouth till you honestly know what the situation is. People all have feelings. Just because you don't understand them, doesn't make them not there. No matter how hard they try and hold back the tears, or try and act like they have a tough skin, it honestly hurts. Its not a surprise so many teens are killing themselves these days. Or are depressed out of their minds and turn to drugs, or razer blades to stop them from feeling. They're tortured till they just cant take it anymore, kids are so freaking rude and ignorant, and it really needs to stop.

People should try and be good people because they want to be good people. They shouldn't do or say things because their friends are around and everyones making fun of the little fat kid in the corner, the kid who's ears stick out, the kid who cant say his "R"'s correctly, the one who's a bit different then everybody else. Just because all your little friends laugh, doesn't make it right, and certainly doesn't make you a better person. You're wrecking someone from the inside out. Driving them to slow insanity, the kind that cant be fixed, because they cant get away, the kind that cant be fixed by a hug and a little talking.

no, I'm not perfect, and yes, I've done some of these things, but really. we all need to stop and think about what we're about to say, who we're about to tell, or not saying what you want to say.

Some people need a swift kick in the ass.

life is about choices. choices that make you who you are. Choose who you want to be.

-If this offended you and any way- I am truly sorry-