24 posts tagged “teen”

Lately I feel like I’ve been holding everyone together. Everyone else has all these concerns, problems, and bad things going on in their lives, and here I am just floating along I guess. I listen to other people’s probelms more than I care about my own. I hear all about people’s inconveniences more than I have any/care for my own. It seems as if I’m always the one to hear about other peoples problems.. it’s not that I mind or anything, because I honestly don’t, I love being there for my friends and would listen to anyone’s problems forever, it just really makes me think. There are so many bigger problems, more important problems, more things going wrong in our world and we’re tripping out over a person who cut us off while driving? Freaking because our parents are being “unfair” or “not listening” to you? Sure, that sucks, but is it reeeeally that big of an issue? 

People all around us have far bigger problems. People all over are starving, having to drink shit water, not having a roof over their heads, have no parents, can’t go to school, or don’t know where their next meal is coming from. Some people are so disadvantaged that they will never leave their little town somewhere in Africa because they don’t have the education to. Is the fact that you have to get up a little earlier for school THAT big of an issue? Because your parents wont continue to pay your cell phone bill THAT big of an issue? I mean, come on people! You’re 18? It’s time to start growing up. 

Maybe its just how I am, but I just take things as they come, deal with them however, and forget about them. I find another way around, downplay the situation to make it easier to deal with, or let it float on by. I don’t sit around and cry about whatever problem is going on in my life, I don’t whine to my mom, or some friend, I don’t have a frown on my face constantly because of something that happened last week - And I don’t see why anyone else should. It doesn’t do you any good to sit around and wallow in your problems. It doesn’t do you any good to go on and on about them to someone. It doesn’t do you any good to whine about things that really don’t matter that much. You shouldn’t spend time frowning when you could be smiling. 

Some people have REAL problems. 

I love so much and think so little. Spend my time doing, instead of contemplating. I mean, I think enough, I just don't over do. I think that's why I'm so happy. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think far too much than I'm meant to, but I think I work on balancing it out with the whole "wearing my heart on my sleeve" thing. It works for me, at least. 

I have far too much time on my hands, and not enough to do. I keep myself busy with little tasks and things I can laugh at later. Its probably a "self protection" thing One of those things you do to keep yourself from thinking. Maybe that's why I think so little. I'm not too sure. 

I spend a lot of my time doing things people may see as "childish". I escape into disney movies, building forts in my bedroom, coloring in coloring books, and mixing funny things together to see how it'll taste.  I'm a teenager, but I'll be doing this until I'm 75 I'm sure. At least I hope. 

Hope. That's another big thing. I hope for a lot of things. Hoping for hope is the biggest. Another thing about me is that I don't "hope" for material things. Near never, though I have been known for the occasional materialistic want. I hope for experiences. I hope to be able to put myself into situations where I can change myself. Where I can change the way I think. Better myself. 

I don't take myself too seriously. Come to think of it, I don't take myself seriously at all. I'm a simple person. I don't think too much. I worry just enough for the ones I care about. I don't have any hidden meanings, or things I wish I would have said. I'm good at the art of shrugging things off. 

As doctor seusse once said, "think what you want, but mean what you say" something along those lines anyways. 

Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, graduating high school, saying goodbye; that feeling that you get at 17 or 18- that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday - and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory.

She was both wise and stupid in the way that when life got hard she didn't work through her problems; she just danced in her underwear alone in her room until they went away.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves at a crossroads, afraid, confused and without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us choose to turn around and go back, but once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream, because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.

Every year it seems like the months go by faster.. when I was younger, time used to go by so slow and I wanted so much from life but I had to wait until school was over. I had to wait for what my mother called "growing up" - I am almost out of high school. I'm 17 now and the days are going by so fast it's hard to look back on everything.. You sometimes don't realize what you have accomplished until you sit down for a second and reflect on everything that's happened in life. You remember where you came from and it makes you actually feel like you've done something important.

SO much has happened this past year. A few years ago I was just a depressed kid from New York who had a dream, becoming a model. I'd look at everyone in front of the camera and think "I should be there.." I'd think that being behind the scenes wasn't for me. Seeing others on stage made me want this more than anything.. and now [fast forward] I've danced in front of 3000 people. I've done photoshoots, been in flims.. I've worked so hard for what I wanted..I've met so many amazing new friends along this journey and now I can support myself and buy everything I've ever wanted.. I can say fuck you to all the nonbelievers and I LOVE YOU too all the people who understand what I'm about and enjoy WHAT and WHO I am.. it's crazy to think I was just some kid who people thought would never be anything. I always felt like I never wanted follow the boring path that everyone else was gonna take and I stuck to what I believed in. It's funny when people pretend to dislike me and say "what do you even DO?."

I'm a actress, model, clothing designer and beauty queen ;)
BUT, I don't do ANYTHING right?

Now I can sit here and reflect on life and realize that I'm actually HAPPY sometimes.. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I was so used to being  unhappy, that I forgot to look at the past, if that makes sense..
I have so much planned for the next year.. there are so many things to accomplish and I can't wait to start doing it all.. If you ever feel like giving up [because we all do, I feel like that all the time..] just know that anything is possible

I love being able to laugh and smile about life.. I guess, I just want everyone to not feel so closed in about the future. When you're 16, you can't have it all. You have to wait and suffer and go through life, it's called LIVING. And it may suck right now, but it makes you who YOU are. I'm glad I haven't had everything handed to me, because then I wouldn't appreciate it at all.

You're so afraid to continue what we have,
you know something's there,
you feel just as much as I do when you touch me,
you like it just as much as I do when you kiss me,
it's just you're pulling away now because you know that if you don't pull away soon you might find yourself falling in love?

As we wallow in self-pity after a heart-wrenching end to a relationship once so cherished, we have only the aftermath to blame.

Much like the tragic anatomy of a train wreck, the aftermath alone stings hearts and depresses minds. The event itself is a brilliance of chaos, a burst of ferocity with no deception, no tears, no anger. Even shock hasn't arrived. The moment is explosive but uneventful.

The wind that breathes life into tragedy happens in the moments following. And this is true of all our life's events. Only consequences lead to emotion. Happiness is a function of something else, as is love and hate, fear and courage.

Our own thoughts are often predictors of such consequences, and this power inadvertently influences even the strongest hearts. More than not, this is what we might label "irrationality."

And irrationality is the furnace in which heartbreak thrives most abundantly.

It's the Why did he hurt me? Is he happy without me? as much as it is Everything was so perfect.—when, indeed, it was not.

Shut the Fuck Up
And this irrational course to which our hearts so effortlessly damn themselves after tragedy—this is the christening of self-pity, self-deception, self-frustration, self-everything.

We analyze and question every move we've ever made in this fragile state.

We consume ourselves with torture.

We are, in every regard, masochists in the shadow of heartbreak.

Most of us distance ourselves from tragedy with time, and though the self-everything will hardly vanish entirely, time bandages those wounds begun by an event and left open by our minds.

But isn't there something else, something other than time, to mend our hearts? Perhaps another relationship? A selfish rebound. A new found busyness, maybe? Distractions.

Or maybe it's even simpler than that. Maybe we can just tell ourselves to shut the f*ck up. Tell ourselves: "Listen, I really like you and all, but we've mourned and we've mourned. There's nothing we can do. Life is passing us by. Our irrationality fuels our wounds, it does not heal them."

Acceptance
What I suggest isn't that we banish heartbreak. Rather, we embrace it for all it's earned. We exhaust heartbreak with our own burst of ferocity. And then we advance ourselves by acceptance—an affirmative appeal rather than a passive anticipation.

We must accept that our hearts were broken rather than torture ourselves over the Whys and Ifs. Acceptance, with time, will double our efforts to recover the pieces of our broken hearts.

Acceptance means growth. It means accepting that more heartbreak is inevitable. It means saying, "And still, I know I will remain the person I am. I will hurt and I will recover just as I have today."

Sometimes I hate being right. I hate getting these feelings, I hate being able to know something bad is going to happen, and not being able to do anything about it.
I get this little tingle where my heart is supposed to be, my stomach feels like it's been flipped. I get really sleepy and I dream. These dreams are not what I want to see. These dreams, I do not want.
The line between reality and dreamland fades as time goes by, and soon both worlds collide.
As of now, my stomach and heart are tingling. I slept today, I slept yesterday.
Sleeping, something that doesn't come too easily. Even after all that sleeping; I am tired. So very tired, I want to rest, shut my eyes for real this time and see nothing at all.

I really do hope I am wrong this time, please let me be wrong. I hope I cannot sleep again, I hope I don't dream. I hope what's written in your palm is a lie.

The repetition of every day life kills.
It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t.
It would be a waste of freedom.
Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then maybe off to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine.
I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I'm pretty content with my life. But between Monday and Friday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I?
I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.

I have some good friends. We party or talk about 'deep' stuff or I can just tell them anything I want. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. bahaha, aweee?