7 posts tagged “summer”

I'm starting to learn. You cant make someone love you. You cant make someone be faithful to you. You cant control your own fate sometimes... things happen.. good, bad... indifferent. You just have to let some things go... and hope they turn out for the best.... its like falling off a horse. You're in the air.. and you know its going to hurt like hell when you hit the ground. But there isn't enough time to stop it. So you close your eyes and hope for the best.

Hollister- the store where all the "beachy" people are. The store I wanted to work at this summer, the only store I'll ever work in, because I only do office work.
Did I get the job? Maybe? Well I did, but I probably lost it...thanks to my mother.
I just love how I lose everything good in my life because of her. She always finds a way to screw me over. Mothers are supposed to help you out not fuck you over and then laugh at you

Every year it seems like the months go by faster.. when I was younger, time used to go by so slow and I wanted so much from life but I had to wait until school was over. I had to wait for what my mother called "growing up" - I am almost out of high school. I'm 17 now and the days are going by so fast it's hard to look back on everything.. You sometimes don't realize what you have accomplished until you sit down for a second and reflect on everything that's happened in life. You remember where you came from and it makes you actually feel like you've done something important.

SO much has happened this past year. A few years ago I was just a depressed kid from New York who had a dream, becoming a model. I'd look at everyone in front of the camera and think "I should be there.." I'd think that being behind the scenes wasn't for me. Seeing others on stage made me want this more than anything.. and now [fast forward] I've danced in front of 3000 people. I've done photoshoots, been in flims.. I've worked so hard for what I wanted..I've met so many amazing new friends along this journey and now I can support myself and buy everything I've ever wanted.. I can say fuck you to all the nonbelievers and I LOVE YOU too all the people who understand what I'm about and enjoy WHAT and WHO I am.. it's crazy to think I was just some kid who people thought would never be anything. I always felt like I never wanted follow the boring path that everyone else was gonna take and I stuck to what I believed in. It's funny when people pretend to dislike me and say "what do you even DO?."

I'm a actress, model, clothing designer and beauty queen ;)
BUT, I don't do ANYTHING right?

Now I can sit here and reflect on life and realize that I'm actually HAPPY sometimes.. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I was so used to being  unhappy, that I forgot to look at the past, if that makes sense..
I have so much planned for the next year.. there are so many things to accomplish and I can't wait to start doing it all.. If you ever feel like giving up [because we all do, I feel like that all the time..] just know that anything is possible

I love being able to laugh and smile about life.. I guess, I just want everyone to not feel so closed in about the future. When you're 16, you can't have it all. You have to wait and suffer and go through life, it's called LIVING. And it may suck right now, but it makes you who YOU are. I'm glad I haven't had everything handed to me, because then I wouldn't appreciate it at all.

I do not like this brownish spot. I do not like this dark black dot. I do not like this odd-shaped mole. I do not like this porous hole. I'd wear more sunblock here and there. I'd wear more sunblock everywhere. It looks as though, I'm sad to say, that you have cancer here today.

Last summer I noticed that there was a small, tiny bump on the palm of my hand. After a while the bump grew,  became noticable. It was still the same color as my skin so people did not really spot it.

A few weeks later, the little bump changed colors, to a pale yellow and then to a light brown. From light brown it went to dark brown and grew and shrunk a few times. Right now it's a light shade of brown and smaller then before.

I do not know what it is! My friends told me to go to the doctors to get it checked out, might be some form of skin cancer. I looked it up online...and it's possible.

Sure I tan a lot, and I might not wear sunscreen a lot-but I'm not outside enough to devolp skin cancer.

I just want this dot to go away!

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it all, all we really want is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep out distance, and pretend not to care about each other, its usually a load of bull.

So we pick, and choose who we want to remain close too. And once we've chosen these people, we tend to stick close by.

no matter how much we hurt them.

I haven't written in a long time. I didn't really study for the SAT's as much as I thought I would. I did ok though. On the essay I wrote about Britney Spears. The essay was about fame. School is closing soon. My best freind and I did get the job at Department of Finance. It's only for 6 weeks. Due to budget cuts they lowered our salaries. :(  It's ok, atleast we have a job.
It is extremely hot outside. It's 99 degrees Fahrenheit. It's much worse here in New York, We already have a lot of people-and the crowds make it hotter than it should be.
I'm glad summer is here, but I would like i if it was cooler.