7 posts tagged “sorrow”

What does life mean to you?

who do you see yourself  being in 10 years? 20?
you may think you know.
but you never do.
growing up as a child and even now, most people have the same goal, get through schooling, get a job, a house, a happy family, and fall in love and die of old age.

but that's not reality. Its conforming.

Life is a series of mistakes, you make mistakes , you learn, and you proceed to make then next mistake. and you learn again.
If you live your life planned, falling the conformity of our society then how can you make mistakes?
Those who make mistakes learn, and knowledge in school can only get you so far, because what happens when schools done and over with? Life.

most people don't hit the reality of life until there forced to.

but me, and many people take the road less traveled, we may go through more, deal with more shit, and not follow everyone else, but in the end, we will be so much stronger. Pain and suffering, may seem useless and undesirable, but its just a blessing in desguise.
with out pain, you get no hope, with out hope, you never reach your goal.

all in all life is full of ups and downs, twist and turns. hills and mountains. but everythingyou overcome, makes you that much stronger,

for me life is about learning, and teaching.
giving back my knowlegde to people around me, not advice, for advice is one sided. its what the person thinks you should do. but really its what you think you should do. and as a friend they shouldnt tell you what to do, because you wont learn. they should guide you. not give you the answer.
ever hear a teacher say giving the answer to you wont help you to learn?

well its true, but that's because most likely they've gone through life's ups and downs and know. they've learned and now they are teaching.

Some people say to me when i get upset, "don't worry it always gets better"
but that is completely false, nothing gets better, if anything it gets worse.
forcing you to learn form your mistakes, and being able to deal with life.
whatever life can throw at you, it will.
and it wont be easy, and its not supposed to be.

you build your own life, you make it yours.
not what people want it to be.
and in the end, you make your own reason for life,

so now tell me,

Whats life mean to you?

Things aren't going so well. Everyday I go outside and I put on a fake smile, act like nothing's wrong. Outside-when I am not home, I am happy. I feel great, I seem to have every reason to live. I'm motivated to do my school work and be successful in life.
But once I get home, it's all over. I feel so depressed, the thoughts keep coming back. I can't stop it. There is so much negativity around me-from my mother and everyone else at my home.
I don't have a good relationship with my mother, I don't think my mother had a good relationship with anyone. She is not the type of person anyone would want to be friends with.
I come home and it's the same thing over and over again. The abusing never stops, sure she doesn't hit me-well atleast not anymore; but the things she says hurt-a lot. She doesn' know when to stop.This is supposed be the time where I should be getting love and support from my family. But instead I get mean words.  

Things aren't going so well lately.My parents are driving me nuts. I'm tried of hearing people say : "They're only doing this because they care about you." Yeah Right! You don't even know how much of a pain they are. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse, and they crossed that line.

I decided that I am going to be applying early decision to Dartmouth College. I want to be as far away from them as possible. I know I am going to miss New York, and all my friends here, but I can't take it anymore. Maybe going away for a while is just what I need. I need time to think and figure out what to do with myself. And Dartmouth is perfect, its a good school, in a quiet area and I might actually get in.

Maybe some people aren't  meant to be happy-maybe I'm just one of those people. Life hasn't been treating me well lately. I try so hard, but never get anywhere. My efforts are useless.
I feel so motivated at times but when reality hits-I know I'm not going to accomplish anything. Maybe life isn't for me. I don't know.

Fresh Starts,

Thanks to the calender, they happen every year.
Just set your watch to January.
our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year, bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions, put your past behind you, and start over.
A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It's not a day on a calender, not a birthday, not a new year.
It's an event.
big or small, something that changes us.
Ideally it gives us hope.
A new way of living and looking at the world.
Letting go of old habits, old memories.
Whats important, is that we never should stop believing we can have a new beginning.
but its also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are a few things really worth holding on too.

♥

Honestly, I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. In about 8 months I'll be on my own. I always wanted to leave home and run away before, but now that I'm older- and it's time for me to leave; I realize that I'm really not ready to be on my own. I'm never going to be able to pay for college and rent. I'll probably never be able to leave home, which will be awful. So I'll be stuck in this mad house forever?

Today me and my best freind were taking the train home, (lately we've been talking about our future) it came down to the same conversation we usually have, what's going to happen when we're in college. I'm pretty sure she'll get into a really good college, maybe even a ivy league, but me- i might not even get into any college. I'm not even sure what I want to do in the future!

So she tried figuring out what I was good at, and you know what that was? NOTHING! I'm good at nothing at all. My best freind couldn't even figure out what I'm good at, and that's just sad. I'm a pathetic looser wasting space on earth.

Pain comes in all forms.

the small twinge, soreness, the random pain.
The normal pains we deal with everyday.
Then theres the kind of pain you just can't ignore.

A level so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the whole world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt.

the sad thing is; most of the time, this pain so huge, does not come from something physical. It comes from the people we trust and love the most.

How we manage our pain, is up to us.

Pain. We take extra pills, embrace it, ignore it and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

Pain. You just have to ride it out. Sitting there wishing you weren't hurting so much, isn't going to change anything.

You just have to ride it out, and hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breath deep and wait for it to side.

Most of the time pain can be managed. But sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. It catches you way below the belt and doesn't let up.

You just have to fight through it. Because the truth is, you cant outrun it and life always makes more.