8 posts tagged “lies”

I miss you, I miss you so much. I miss the old you.
The one that would tell me that he loves me, the one that would always want to see me.
I miss they guy who would randomly write on my wall and tell me that he'd want to spend the rest of his life with me.
I miss those nights where it just be you and I.
I miss the way we'd talk, talk about the future or cars and sometimes dresses. I miss you walking me to the train station. I miss the guy who'd ride the train home with me.
There is so much that I wish remained the same. Will it go back to the way it was? I can't stand to loose you, I lost you twice. And it devastated me, I can't loose you again.
And here I am, wondering if things will work out. Trying to make things right, hoping it'll go back to the way it was.
But are you willing to do the same?

So my boyfriend just dumped me. Well, I guess he's my ex now. I don't even know why he did. He said he needed space or time to be alone. Yet it doesn't make sense, he wants to see other people. I'm so confused, I loved him so much. I gave up so many things for him, I didn't apply to Dartmouth-my dream college, because he didn't want me to be far away. I didn't apply to Brown or Northwestern. My grades, are so low, I'm failing. My best friend and I don't seem to have the same bond as before. My relationship with my parents worsened.
Did he not think of these things when he broke up with me? Did he give up anything for me? All I asked was for him to stop smoking. I only wanted the best for his health. And he didn't stop.
I guess he was lying when he told me he "loved me" or he "wants to spend the rest of his life with me" . You don't just stop loving something out of no where.

And I, I was a fool to believe him. Not only did he break my heart once, he did it again. He shattered into a million pieces.

Things aren't going so well lately.My parents are driving me nuts. I'm tried of hearing people say : "They're only doing this because they care about you." Yeah Right! You don't even know how much of a pain they are. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse, and they crossed that line.

I decided that I am going to be applying early decision to Dartmouth College. I want to be as far away from them as possible. I know I am going to miss New York, and all my friends here, but I can't take it anymore. Maybe going away for a while is just what I need. I need time to think and figure out what to do with myself. And Dartmouth is perfect, its a good school, in a quiet area and I might actually get in.

Fresh Starts,

Thanks to the calender, they happen every year.
Just set your watch to January.
our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year, bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions, put your past behind you, and start over.
A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It's not a day on a calender, not a birthday, not a new year.
It's an event.
big or small, something that changes us.
Ideally it gives us hope.
A new way of living and looking at the world.
Letting go of old habits, old memories.
Whats important, is that we never should stop believing we can have a new beginning.
but its also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are a few things really worth holding on too.

♥

No one believes that their life will turn out "just kind-of" okay.

We all think we're going to be great, or at least some part deep down inside us.

And from the day we decide to be a certain someone, or something, we are filled with expectations.

Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, who we will touch, and the difference we will make.

Great expectations of who we will be. Where we will go, and then...
We get there.

We all think we're going to be great.
And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.

But sometimes, our expectations sell us short

Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You have to wonder why we cling to our expectations;

the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still.

The expected is just the beginning.
grear
the unexpected, is what changes our lives

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it all, all we really want is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep out distance, and pretend not to care about each other, its usually a load of bull.

So we pick, and choose who we want to remain close too. And once we've chosen these people, we tend to stick close by.

no matter how much we hurt them.

I'm writing lyrics for my band. Ok so I don't have a band yet-but I will. Anyways, my lyrics don't make sense. It's scattered all over the place.
Being in a band is probably a stupid high school dream, a lot of people are doing it though.
I need to learn how to play an instrument first, I know how to play the keyboard-but thats not what i want to play. I was thinking guitar or the bass. No, I want to sing. My singing voice isn't that bad. There are a lot of singers out there with bad voices.

Enough about the band, so today was a normal day. I didn't go to ballet after school because it was such a nice day outside and I wanted to go walking with Ayema. But Ayema was stressed, she was stressing about the SAT's. We are taking it in like 3 weeks. Unlike me, Ayema actually studies and knows when to stop and and start studying. Me on the other hand, I'm lazy-I like having fun and doing useless things. I keep on telling my self I will study-but I never do. The SAT is a method, answer some questions and leave some blank. I got that method down pretty good, I might actually do good. I had a tutor, I went to the tutoring sessions. I quit-but I still have the book. And I will finish it.

Why do I always end up writing about the SAT's. I feel like the SAT's are taking over my life. My grades in school are awful so of I do well on this test maybe I'll have a better chance to get into a good school.