5 posts tagged “hurt”

The repetition of every day life kills.
It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t.
It would be a waste of freedom.
Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then maybe off to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine.
I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I'm pretty content with my life. But between Monday and Friday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I?
I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.

I have some good friends. We party or talk about 'deep' stuff or I can just tell them anything I want. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. bahaha, aweee?

I'm getting this awkward vibe from my boyfriend, like we don't seem to be on the same page. I feel that he is drifting away from me. Half the time, I don't even know what he's doing. He barely talks to me, like before he'd be online all the time so we could talk and now, it like "hi" "hey"......
It's not like before, he doesn't tell me he loves me as much as before and it's just so frustrating to not know whats really going on his head! He doesn't ask me if he'll see me anytime soon, we don't make plans to meet. Before he'd ask if I could hang out, but now, it's like he's going out all the time! I don't even know what he's doing out.
He changed his relationship status on facebook, I'm in a relationship-all by myself. And when I asked why, I didn't even get a proper explanation, I am so confused. Does he not one anyone knowing he has a girl friend?
He just randomly signs of on aim, like before he'd tell me "I have to go" or "g2g" and we'd say "i love you" and stuff. But now, he just signs off, no byebye.
Is he seeing someone else behind my back? Or trying to see someone else? I really don't know.

We all know the story of Pandora and her box. At her time, humans lived in happiness and had no troubles. Pandora was given a box as a gift, but she was told not to open it. But Pandora's curiosity got the best of her, one day she could take no more so she opened the box.
Out came misery, illness, grief, sadness, and all the sorrow of the world. At the very end out came hope.
That little ray of hope that flew out of Pandora's box keeps me going. That little bit of hope lets me believe that he will come back to me.
Although we look at hope as a good thing, we rarely see how it can tear us apart. Why should be be hoping for a better life? Why should we hope to have our love come back to us? Why couldn't Pandora keep her stupid box shut?
This is why we have sadness in the world, because a pretty little featherhead couldn't do a simple task.

Things aren't going so well. Everyday I go outside and I put on a fake smile, act like nothing's wrong. Outside-when I am not home, I am happy. I feel great, I seem to have every reason to live. I'm motivated to do my school work and be successful in life.
But once I get home, it's all over. I feel so depressed, the thoughts keep coming back. I can't stop it. There is so much negativity around me-from my mother and everyone else at my home.
I don't have a good relationship with my mother, I don't think my mother had a good relationship with anyone. She is not the type of person anyone would want to be friends with.
I come home and it's the same thing over and over again. The abusing never stops, sure she doesn't hit me-well atleast not anymore; but the things she says hurt-a lot. She doesn' know when to stop.This is supposed be the time where I should be getting love and support from my family. But instead I get mean words.