29 posts tagged “high school”

Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, graduating high school, saying goodbye; that feeling that you get at 17 or 18- that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday - and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory.

The past week was possibly THE best week of my life, I spent so much time with people who really bring the best out of the people around them , and it was awesome.
these past few years and last week especially, have taught me a lot about myself- a lot.
They’ve taught me about myself, more than I ever thought I could know and that I am a much stronger person than I was giving myself credit for.
They’ve also taught me quite a bit about the people I choose to surround myself with and how I love each and every one of them as if they were my own blood.

I can only hope that being in touch with these people, or new found friends, will be something that continues to happen.
I've met a lot of people along the way who have definitely impacted my life even if the time with them was short lived, every single person I met, whether it be at school, in passing, have known all my life but never took the time to really KNOW, or in another way has definitely made the experience what it was.

I’d like to thank anyone whose been a part of my life, as i said, whether it were in passing or someone I'd seen daily. You’ve all been something special i would not have been able to do this with out.

You know when I was a freshman, I wasn't a very good person. And over the last four years, I've been forced to grow up. I stopped letting other people define me, and I started believing in myself, and in my potential ,and I became my own person, and I designed a clothing line, and somewhere along the way, the lost little party girl became the girl on the with hope of a better future. And I know what I did was wrong, I know, but the girl I was when I came to this school, I'm not sure she would've. And isn't that the point of high school? I mean, isn't that what you guys have been trying to teach us for the past four years?
I never thought that I'd miss high school so much, I've made amazing friends and learned so much about others as well as my self. I really am going to miss these people and I hope they are a part of my life when I am older.
As for me, I am headed to St John's University studying political science, but I will never stop designing clothes or modeling. And helping others with depression, addiction and eating disorders has become a part of my life.
I am content with who I am, and I understand my mistakes and am "adult" enough to face the world.
So watch out world, here I come.

The repetition of every day life kills.
It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t.
It would be a waste of freedom.
Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then maybe off to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine.
I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I'm pretty content with my life. But between Monday and Friday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I?
I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.

I have some good friends. We party or talk about 'deep' stuff or I can just tell them anything I want. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. bahaha, aweee?

Facts:
- I miss you
- I love you
- I would swim the ocean for you, but I can't swim so..yeah

Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions.
And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten.
My fingers are crossed.
I love you.
Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden.
Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost.
Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.
Pick me up, read me every now and then,I won’t disappoint. I am witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m dying without you.

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Love stinks. It really does. People would warn me about love, about how it screws you up. How it plays tricks on you. I remember being younger, dating guys for the hell of it. Never realizing that one day the tables would turn on me.
I never had relationship issues, the thing with me was that I'd get over guys pretty easy. It was simple: just get a new guy. Plus I've never been left before, so I had no reason to worry.
But now, I'm older, things are a bit more serious. I fell for a guy, I fell hard and fast, don't even know why. I've never fallen so hard before, never have I thought of someone like this before. But here I am, same girl from a few months back, same girl who would never let a guy take control of her emotions, same girl who said "I would never get hurt, because I usually hurt the guys."
Yeah, the same girl. The one who'd everyone look at and think that she'd never fall for a guy like that. No, I was too strong, too strong to love like that. Too strong to have a silly emotion to take control of my entire life.
Look at me now, I'm the one hurt. I'm the one thinking to myself "Wtf happened?" How could I let this happen? How did I loose myself like this?
It hurts to look back at the girl I used to be, will I ever be like her again? Will I ever be as strong as her? I've learned my lesson, I really have.
I'm going back, back to my old ways. Back to the ruthless, apathetic little girl. The girl with no emotions what-so-ever. The girl I really am.

I don't know how many times I've repeated to myself "everything's gonna be alright, just breath, wait it out.", trillions probably. And yet, IS everything going to be alright? no, a lot of things aren't alright, and aren't going to get better. You may see me as a pessimist, but that's how I think. I have my good days and bad, but really, ever since we're born, we're dieing, be it inside, or out.

Lately, I've had to make a bunch of huge decisions about myself, on my own, and I've been scared out of my mind whether i made the right decision. I hate making decisions, I hate choosing for myself. 
Usually I'm not like this, and a really laid back person as far as everyone sees, but things have just been caving in lately.

I've always done what i wanted without really thinking, choosing what I want to do at the time, and doing it. I'm one of those people who pick goals, and work for them until they get what they want. You know, those people who don't stop at all, until they get that thing. Well, that's usually me. And probably you too, And probably someone else also. Then, around us, other people are sitting down, relaxing, taking life very easy, and somehow waiting for death and nothing else. it's a very interesting contrast, and when you think about it for too long it gets confusing.

honestly, these are millions of questions running around in my mind.

I'm sure its normal for every person to have a time, or more times in their lives where they just stop and question it all, and need someone to just listen to them, and no matter who it is going through it, its all really, really confusing.

so is everything going to be all right?
i don't know.

cancer, treatments, global warming, people dieing, people leaving, things changing, drugs.

On Sunday, my ex asked to to go out with him again, I said yes- so I'm not single anymore. Personally, I think that the break-up was stupid, it led nowhere, just right back where we started. I guess the whole "finding what else is out there" didn't work out too well for him.
I guess it didn't work out for me either, well I didn't even try. I don't think I really want to, I'm in a stable relationship now and I'm happy.

As far as school goes, I'm not doing too good. The thought of education makes me sick, the thought of college makes me sick. But I really do want to get into a good college, I hope I do.

That' about it I guess, this was a stupid entry I know. But, it's just a little update.