28 posts tagged “girl”

I love so much and think so little. Spend my time doing, instead of contemplating. I mean, I think enough, I just don't over do. I think that's why I'm so happy. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think far too much than I'm meant to, but I think I work on balancing it out with the whole "wearing my heart on my sleeve" thing. It works for me, at least. 

I have far too much time on my hands, and not enough to do. I keep myself busy with little tasks and things I can laugh at later. Its probably a "self protection" thing One of those things you do to keep yourself from thinking. Maybe that's why I think so little. I'm not too sure. 

I spend a lot of my time doing things people may see as "childish". I escape into disney movies, building forts in my bedroom, coloring in coloring books, and mixing funny things together to see how it'll taste.  I'm a teenager, but I'll be doing this until I'm 75 I'm sure. At least I hope. 

Hope. That's another big thing. I hope for a lot of things. Hoping for hope is the biggest. Another thing about me is that I don't "hope" for material things. Near never, though I have been known for the occasional materialistic want. I hope for experiences. I hope to be able to put myself into situations where I can change myself. Where I can change the way I think. Better myself. 

I don't take myself too seriously. Come to think of it, I don't take myself seriously at all. I'm a simple person. I don't think too much. I worry just enough for the ones I care about. I don't have any hidden meanings, or things I wish I would have said. I'm good at the art of shrugging things off. 

As doctor seusse once said, "think what you want, but mean what you say" something along those lines anyways. 

She was both wise and stupid in the way that when life got hard she didn't work through her problems; she just danced in her underwear alone in her room until they went away.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

The past week was possibly THE best week of my life, I spent so much time with people who really bring the best out of the people around them , and it was awesome.
these past few years and last week especially, have taught me a lot about myself- a lot.
They’ve taught me about myself, more than I ever thought I could know and that I am a much stronger person than I was giving myself credit for.
They’ve also taught me quite a bit about the people I choose to surround myself with and how I love each and every one of them as if they were my own blood.

I can only hope that being in touch with these people, or new found friends, will be something that continues to happen.
I've met a lot of people along the way who have definitely impacted my life even if the time with them was short lived, every single person I met, whether it be at school, in passing, have known all my life but never took the time to really KNOW, or in another way has definitely made the experience what it was.

I’d like to thank anyone whose been a part of my life, as i said, whether it were in passing or someone I'd seen daily. You’ve all been something special i would not have been able to do this with out.

You know when I was a freshman, I wasn't a very good person. And over the last four years, I've been forced to grow up. I stopped letting other people define me, and I started believing in myself, and in my potential ,and I became my own person, and I designed a clothing line, and somewhere along the way, the lost little party girl became the girl on the with hope of a better future. And I know what I did was wrong, I know, but the girl I was when I came to this school, I'm not sure she would've. And isn't that the point of high school? I mean, isn't that what you guys have been trying to teach us for the past four years?
I never thought that I'd miss high school so much, I've made amazing friends and learned so much about others as well as my self. I really am going to miss these people and I hope they are a part of my life when I am older.
As for me, I am headed to St John's University studying political science, but I will never stop designing clothes or modeling. And helping others with depression, addiction and eating disorders has become a part of my life.
I am content with who I am, and I understand my mistakes and am "adult" enough to face the world.
So watch out world, here I come.

There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves at a crossroads, afraid, confused and without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us choose to turn around and go back, but once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream, because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.

Every year it seems like the months go by faster.. when I was younger, time used to go by so slow and I wanted so much from life but I had to wait until school was over. I had to wait for what my mother called "growing up" - I am almost out of high school. I'm 17 now and the days are going by so fast it's hard to look back on everything.. You sometimes don't realize what you have accomplished until you sit down for a second and reflect on everything that's happened in life. You remember where you came from and it makes you actually feel like you've done something important.

SO much has happened this past year. A few years ago I was just a depressed kid from New York who had a dream, becoming a model. I'd look at everyone in front of the camera and think "I should be there.." I'd think that being behind the scenes wasn't for me. Seeing others on stage made me want this more than anything.. and now [fast forward] I've danced in front of 3000 people. I've done photoshoots, been in flims.. I've worked so hard for what I wanted..I've met so many amazing new friends along this journey and now I can support myself and buy everything I've ever wanted.. I can say fuck you to all the nonbelievers and I LOVE YOU too all the people who understand what I'm about and enjoy WHAT and WHO I am.. it's crazy to think I was just some kid who people thought would never be anything. I always felt like I never wanted follow the boring path that everyone else was gonna take and I stuck to what I believed in. It's funny when people pretend to dislike me and say "what do you even DO?."

I'm a actress, model, clothing designer and beauty queen ;)
BUT, I don't do ANYTHING right?

Now I can sit here and reflect on life and realize that I'm actually HAPPY sometimes.. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I was so used to being  unhappy, that I forgot to look at the past, if that makes sense..
I have so much planned for the next year.. there are so many things to accomplish and I can't wait to start doing it all.. If you ever feel like giving up [because we all do, I feel like that all the time..] just know that anything is possible

I love being able to laugh and smile about life.. I guess, I just want everyone to not feel so closed in about the future. When you're 16, you can't have it all. You have to wait and suffer and go through life, it's called LIVING. And it may suck right now, but it makes you who YOU are. I'm glad I haven't had everything handed to me, because then I wouldn't appreciate it at all.

You're so afraid to continue what we have,
you know something's there,
you feel just as much as I do when you touch me,
you like it just as much as I do when you kiss me,
it's just you're pulling away now because you know that if you don't pull away soon you might find yourself falling in love?

As we wallow in self-pity after a heart-wrenching end to a relationship once so cherished, we have only the aftermath to blame.

Much like the tragic anatomy of a train wreck, the aftermath alone stings hearts and depresses minds. The event itself is a brilliance of chaos, a burst of ferocity with no deception, no tears, no anger. Even shock hasn't arrived. The moment is explosive but uneventful.

The wind that breathes life into tragedy happens in the moments following. And this is true of all our life's events. Only consequences lead to emotion. Happiness is a function of something else, as is love and hate, fear and courage.

Our own thoughts are often predictors of such consequences, and this power inadvertently influences even the strongest hearts. More than not, this is what we might label "irrationality."

And irrationality is the furnace in which heartbreak thrives most abundantly.

It's the Why did he hurt me? Is he happy without me? as much as it is Everything was so perfect.—when, indeed, it was not.

Shut the Fuck Up
And this irrational course to which our hearts so effortlessly damn themselves after tragedy—this is the christening of self-pity, self-deception, self-frustration, self-everything.

We analyze and question every move we've ever made in this fragile state.

We consume ourselves with torture.

We are, in every regard, masochists in the shadow of heartbreak.

Most of us distance ourselves from tragedy with time, and though the self-everything will hardly vanish entirely, time bandages those wounds begun by an event and left open by our minds.

But isn't there something else, something other than time, to mend our hearts? Perhaps another relationship? A selfish rebound. A new found busyness, maybe? Distractions.

Or maybe it's even simpler than that. Maybe we can just tell ourselves to shut the f*ck up. Tell ourselves: "Listen, I really like you and all, but we've mourned and we've mourned. There's nothing we can do. Life is passing us by. Our irrationality fuels our wounds, it does not heal them."

Acceptance
What I suggest isn't that we banish heartbreak. Rather, we embrace it for all it's earned. We exhaust heartbreak with our own burst of ferocity. And then we advance ourselves by acceptance—an affirmative appeal rather than a passive anticipation.

We must accept that our hearts were broken rather than torture ourselves over the Whys and Ifs. Acceptance, with time, will double our efforts to recover the pieces of our broken hearts.

Acceptance means growth. It means accepting that more heartbreak is inevitable. It means saying, "And still, I know I will remain the person I am. I will hurt and I will recover just as I have today."

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

On Sunday, my ex asked to to go out with him again, I said yes- so I'm not single anymore. Personally, I think that the break-up was stupid, it led nowhere, just right back where we started. I guess the whole "finding what else is out there" didn't work out too well for him.
I guess it didn't work out for me either, well I didn't even try. I don't think I really want to, I'm in a stable relationship now and I'm happy.

As far as school goes, I'm not doing too good. The thought of education makes me sick, the thought of college makes me sick. But I really do want to get into a good college, I hope I do.

That' about it I guess, this was a stupid entry I know. But, it's just a little update.