4 posts tagged “future”

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We all fall so hard

Mar 8, 2009
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The repetition of every day life kills.
It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t.
It would be a waste of freedom.
Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then maybe off to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine.
I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I'm pretty content with my life. But between Monday and Friday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I?
I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.

I have some good friends. We party or talk about 'deep' stuff or I can just tell them anything I want. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. bahaha, aweee?

Insomnia

Oct 7, 2008
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"My weakness is that I care too much and my scars remind me that the past is real."

^
That was random but today has been a rough.

I didn't get any sleep last night and I don't think I'll get any today. I woke up and it was pretty much your normal day... except for the fact I didn't go to school. I stayed home and did nothing. I did a lot of thinking. And in all honesty- I don't know what I'm going to do with my self.

Yesterday I got in a lot of trouble. My phone bill was really high- $300 to be exact. I will be picking up my pay check from work tomorrow, so I'll be paying to the bill. It's funny how I've been working and I put all my money in my dad's account and he doesn't give it to me. He tells me I've wasted it already. Apparently the money went to my food and clothing...I don't think so.

I'm just tired...tired of living here. Maybe one day I could run away really far, where no one knows me and I could start all over again.

Distance.

Jul 4, 2008
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At the end of the day, when it comes down to it all, all we really want is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep out distance, and pretend not to care about each other, its usually a load of bull.

So we pick, and choose who we want to remain close too. And once we've chosen these people, we tend to stick close by.

no matter how much we hurt them.

Thinner is the winner?

May 18, 2008
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Recently, I've been worried about my weight. I know I shouldn't be worried, I only weigh about 95 pounds. But my stomach has been expanding. It's not flat like it used to be. I think I'll start working out.
Girls have been obsessing over their weight for the longest time. I don't want to be like those crazy anorexic girls. I don't want to binge and then barf. It's not healthy. Yet I can't help it.
My whole future seems to be depending on my looks, and I can't gain weight.
Usually I eat one meal a day, and thats lunch. For lunch, I normally have a cheese sandwich and a pespi. And sometimes after school, I go out and have a snack.
Hopefully, I won't be gaining much weight.