3 posts tagged “friends”

"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."

I found that in my old diary, looking back at what I've written before really shows how much I've changed. My recovery from my depression has been an evolution not a miracle. I've gone through hard times from the help of my friends- one friend to be exact. All my friends did help me, but this friend helped me the most.

Although she does not know it, she's helped me go through my depression and help me completely recover from an eating disorder. I couldn't live with my self knowing that I killed my self...if that makes any sense. The plans we made, for the future is what kept me going, I had something to look froward to.

The cure for depression doesn't lie in therapy or in the hands of a doctor. You need to find a reason to live, you need to know there are people out there who care about you and love you. You need to make plans, for next week, a month later-for the future.

So find someone, someone you could completely trust and hang out with them. Spend time with that person and you'll soon find a reason to live again

The repetition of every day life kills.
It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t.
It would be a waste of freedom.
Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then maybe off to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine.
I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I'm pretty content with my life. But between Monday and Friday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I?
I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.

I have some good friends. We party or talk about 'deep' stuff or I can just tell them anything I want. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. bahaha, aweee?

She crushes my heart
But spares my mind
She rips & tears my body apart
Yet she leaves my soul behind
How can I stand to deny her?
Once you’ve had a taste you’ll try her.

Love for food has come back
She slashes me with whips of emotion
I try to run but always come back
To my seething devotion
Back to my best friends;
Ana & Mia

She wreaks my bones
But mends my soul
She’s a jealous one; I serve her alone
She leaves me broken & yet I am whole
How can I stand to resist or doubt her?
I simply cannot exist without her.

My body is sick and I’m tired
But my mind is sharp and I’m fired
A feeling like this
Are Ana Mia’s blessed bliss.
My mouth pulses with revulsion
With my fevered devotion
For my best friends;
Ana & Mia

She shows me my bones
And tells me how she’s proud
But she ignores my moans
And tells me to sleep when I cry aloud
How can I stand not to lie for her?
When I would gladly die for her.

Another day; another fast
Maybe Ana & Mia will take me home at last
“Am I skinny enough now?” I ask as I close my eye
“You’ll be skinny enough when you die.”
Ana & Mia reply
It’s not a lie