I love so much and think so little. Spend my time doing, instead of contemplating. I mean, I think enough, I just don't over do. I think that's why I'm so happy. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think far too much than I'm meant to, but I think I work on balancing it out with the whole "wearing my heart on my sleeve" thing. It works for me, at least.
I have far too much time on my hands, and not enough to do. I keep myself busy with little tasks and things I can laugh at later. Its probably a "self protection" thing One of those things you do to keep yourself from thinking. Maybe that's why I think so little. I'm not too sure.
I spend a lot of my time doing things people may see as "childish". I escape into disney movies, building forts in my bedroom, coloring in coloring books, and mixing funny things together to see how it'll taste. I'm a teenager, but I'll be doing this until I'm 75 I'm sure. At least I hope.
Hope. That's another big thing. I hope for a lot of things. Hoping for hope is the biggest. Another thing about me is that I don't "hope" for material things. Near never, though I have been known for the occasional materialistic want. I hope for experiences. I hope to be able to put myself into situations where I can change myself. Where I can change the way I think. Better myself.
I don't take myself too seriously. Come to think of it, I don't take myself seriously at all. I'm a simple person. I don't think too much. I worry just enough for the ones I care about. I don't have any hidden meanings, or things I wish I would have said. I'm good at the art of shrugging things off.
As doctor seusse once said, "think what you want, but mean what you say" something along those lines anyways.
Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, graduating high school, saying goodbye; that feeling that you get at 17 or 18- that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved as fiercely or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday - and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory.
I think I'm feeling somewhat homesickish. I guess I'm not ready to share space with strangers, I think thats what's bothering me. I miss being a complete mess. I can't do all the things I did at home, turn the light of in my room when I want to, run to the fridge when I'm hungry and oh--watch TV.
I miss going into the living room and plopping down on MY couch, a comfy couch it was, and turn on the TV. All the stuff in the dorm isnt mine, all I have is my clothes and a few items I need for daily life. I miss being able to leave things lying around.
I need more space, my space! And I dont want to share it. I think I'll be an RA, I believe they get singles and they dont even pay for housing, doesn't that sound wonderful. Oh and a job wouldn't hurt either.
Mabye I ask for too much?
]]>Moved out. Yes that's right--I've moved of of my parents home. If you have been reading my blog, you probably know that I've been talking about moving out from the very first day.
Well, it's happened. And being on my own is stressful, but easier in a sense. I have my own rules, eat when I want leave when I want and oh the best part of it all--sleep as much as I want. But I haven't really been getting any sleep. I have to go to class, and do home work and run around campus.
Sharing a dorm with two other people is a little tough. I'm not too good with sharing spaces, but it's working out. Hey atleast I have my own desk and own closet. Some of my friends, who are in college dorms, have told me that they do not have any space for thier clothes, I'm glad I have tons of space.
I keep reminding my self that I am paying a good amount of money--wait no an extremly large sum of money, more than an average housholds icome, to attend this school. I have to, cross that out--MUST-- do well. There will be no laziness and no procassination, I will get my work done.
]]>She was both wise and stupid in the way that when life got hard she didn't work through her problems; she just danced in her underwear alone in her room until they went away.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin
shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till
tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered
electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to
say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection,
sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're
wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird
catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost.
We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard
the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time,
heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have
to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn
our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's
rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves
what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering,
that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even
the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
Maybe teaching myself to dance on pointe wasn't the brightest of my ideas. I am having trouble doing the most basic of dance moves, I can't do turns or stay on pointe for too long and once I come down from pointe my feet hurt- a lot.
Maybe with more practice I might get better, I am learning slowly.
After all,there aren't many dancers who teach them self to go on pointe and as a beginner pointe dancer- a self taught pointe dancer, I feel that I am doing pretty good.
I'm starting to learn. You cant make someone love you. You cant make someone be faithful to you. You cant control your own fate sometimes... things happen.. good, bad... indifferent. You just have to let some things go... and hope they turn out for the best.... its like falling off a horse. You're in the air.. and you know its going to hurt like hell when you hit the ground. But there isn't enough time to stop it. So you close your eyes and hope for the best.
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